March 02, 2004
Remainders
Overlooked in all of the Janet Jackson Nipple of Mass Destruction hype was the “incident” at the NBA all-star game the following week, when Beyonce performed at half-time, and her nipple was partially exposed for a moment and caught on camera. Where was the outrage? Did you even hear about it? Did you see it? Have you found it on a website? Would you e-mail it to me? What was my point? Doesn’t matter…
*
I know all the words and melody to “Fruit Salad” by a children’s group called The Wiggles. If I don’t unlearn it soon, I will walk in front of a bus.
*
CORRECTION
Last week, Daddy, More Bouncy! reported the tragic death of a Wichita, Kansas woman who suffered a heart attack while watching The Passion Of The Christ. The woman was actually watching Eurotrip.
D, MB! regrets the error.
*
It occurred to me that the rash of children falling down wells has completely ended. How is that possible? Are we making less wells? Putting up fences around wells? Are children just getting smarter? I don't think it's any of those -- I think kids are still falling down wells, it's just that we don't give a shit anymore.
*
Added to my list of Beautiful Women Who Aren’t Sexy: Renee Zellweger. I’m just saying…
*
On a related note: I know that Billy Crystal isn’t funny, but if he’s hosting, I will always plan my whole Sunday just to make sure I’m in front of the TV for the start of the Oscars. He’s like Pizza Pops – predictable, inoffensive, a bit too cheesy – but I’ll never turn my nose up at him, or them.
*
And still on that note, when will real actresses start winning the Best Actress award, assuming, of course, the Academy Awards represent meaningful achievement? Everyone says Charlize Theron is a great actress, but when did that happen, exactly? Before, or after Sweet November, a film where she was out-acted by Keanu Reeves? I sense she came close to taking Ashley Judd’s role in Twisted, a movie that seems… unlikely to be in the Oscar race next year.
Wait, I just gave a flying f*** about the Oscars. What’s next, metrosexuality? Uh, well…
*
One thing you learn from owning a DVD player: deleted scenes are usually deleted for a reason.
*
I’m rooting for Belinda Stronach, regardless of her qualifications. Can you imagine if we had a hot Prime Minister? It would make Canada so cool, but nobody would come out and say that’s why we’re cool. It’s like having a friend in high school whose mom is hot. You wouldn’t say Dude, your mom is hot, it would just be understood. Because if you did, he’d punch you in the face. I’ve heard.
Overlooked in all of the Janet Jackson Nipple of Mass Destruction hype was the “incident” at the NBA all-star game the following week, when Beyonce performed at half-time, and her nipple was partially exposed for a moment and caught on camera. Where was the outrage? Did you even hear about it? Did you see it? Have you found it on a website? Would you e-mail it to me? What was my point? Doesn’t matter…
*
I know all the words and melody to “Fruit Salad” by a children’s group called The Wiggles. If I don’t unlearn it soon, I will walk in front of a bus.
*
CORRECTION
Last week, Daddy, More Bouncy! reported the tragic death of a Wichita, Kansas woman who suffered a heart attack while watching The Passion Of The Christ. The woman was actually watching Eurotrip.
D, MB! regrets the error.
*
It occurred to me that the rash of children falling down wells has completely ended. How is that possible? Are we making less wells? Putting up fences around wells? Are children just getting smarter? I don't think it's any of those -- I think kids are still falling down wells, it's just that we don't give a shit anymore.
*
Added to my list of Beautiful Women Who Aren’t Sexy: Renee Zellweger. I’m just saying…
*
On a related note: I know that Billy Crystal isn’t funny, but if he’s hosting, I will always plan my whole Sunday just to make sure I’m in front of the TV for the start of the Oscars. He’s like Pizza Pops – predictable, inoffensive, a bit too cheesy – but I’ll never turn my nose up at him, or them.
*
And still on that note, when will real actresses start winning the Best Actress award, assuming, of course, the Academy Awards represent meaningful achievement? Everyone says Charlize Theron is a great actress, but when did that happen, exactly? Before, or after Sweet November, a film where she was out-acted by Keanu Reeves? I sense she came close to taking Ashley Judd’s role in Twisted, a movie that seems… unlikely to be in the Oscar race next year.
Wait, I just gave a flying f*** about the Oscars. What’s next, metrosexuality? Uh, well…
*
One thing you learn from owning a DVD player: deleted scenes are usually deleted for a reason.
*
I’m rooting for Belinda Stronach, regardless of her qualifications. Can you imagine if we had a hot Prime Minister? It would make Canada so cool, but nobody would come out and say that’s why we’re cool. It’s like having a friend in high school whose mom is hot. You wouldn’t say Dude, your mom is hot, it would just be understood. Because if you did, he’d punch you in the face. I’ve heard.
